A letter to club soccer parents

Dear Soccer Parent,


I am really excited to be working with your daughter(s) over the next month or two and getting to know them better as people and players. Previously, I was the DOC at a club in Utica, NY whilst assisting the Hamilton College women’s soccer team and I loved every minute of working with our local youth soccer players. It is my goal to make them a more comfortable soccer player but more importantly a strong and confident member of their local community.

One thing that I will be asking your daughter to do on a regular basis (depending on their personal goals – college, recreational, social) is to Juggle. Due to the nature of the back-to-back training session as well as players arriving late from high school trainings/games; other extra-curricular activities or just living LIFE there is quite often a dead period at the beginning of practice. There is nothing worse, in my mind, than players standing around aimlessly wondering around with a ball– sometimes players are passing at slow speeds and sometimes they're doing nothing at all. That being said, I believe that there is a lot to be gained from juggling the ball. Spending alone time with the ball is fulfilling a desire and passion to build a relationship with the ball and it allows them to be their own teacher instead of the constant need to be told what to do. Young people receive instruction at school, at home and at their club practice. Where's the off-button? It’s important that they can begin the tall task of making decisions for themselves. If your daughter needs a ball, I’d be more than happy to supply her with one. Just text me: 413-923-1442.

Given that we live in a rural area the opportunity to play any form of unorganized, child-lead “street soccer” is either non-existent or a rarity. It is my hope that the majority of my sessions will have an emphasis on the essence of play. I have mentioned this to both teams and HIGHLY recommended that they are adequately fueled for participation in a 1.5 hour training session. Additionally, they must bring ample water/sports drinks to practice so that they can get the most from their sessions. Our club has provided an environment whereby your daughter is afforded the opportunity to take their destiny into their OWN hands, therefore, it is important that they come prepared beyond the soccer pitch.


Upon review of recent statistics by the W.H.O, it is apparent that our young people should be getting a minimum of 60 minutes of MODERATE to VIGOROUS physical activity. You would be hard pressed to find a soccer club or college program that can provide the evidence that within their typical 2 hour training session the participants are matching these demands. This notion is called, “active participation”.  I call it, “inactive participation” because more often than not there is too much interference/instruction by the coach (I can be guilty of this too) and not enough quality, imagination or creativity by the player. Therefore, we have to create the right environment and find ways of bringing the street style game to the field because it allows for the most “time on task activities”. That is why I try to design my sessions that allow for as much “decision-making processes” i.e. not standing around cones bored to death. There is a time and a place for that (Coerver coaching - which is te opposite of train spotting behind cones might I add) but at this age and level the only thing that is going to improve your daughters capabilities is her ATTITUDE, PASSION, and a DESIRE to “challenge herself” in a multitude of situations and a lot of these character traits have very little to do with soccer skills. The bottom line is that if you or your child have this notion that she is "not being challenged" by her current team or coach then you should make sure that her critique matches her work ethic outside of 2 trainings a week which is what most clubs offer. If either of you truly believe that a New York state summer league is going to make her the next Alex Morgan then your daughter might want to attend a college clinic or two to evaluate her reality.


Additionally, in recent emails chains between parents, I’ve seen the word challenge pop up here and there. It has become the new buzzword of late. There is this wild assumption that being on an “older team” not even a “better team” is going to make your daughter a better player. There is also an incredible lack of knowledge surrounding the subject of “relative age effect” which was one of Malcolm Gladwell’s more thought out research projects versus the 10, 000 hour rule which was completely misinterpreted. 10, 000 hours of QUALITY practice not just 10, 000 hours of poor, SLOW, practice should have been written in the disclaimer. I’d like to make sure that you understand why your daughter is not playing up or down and so that you understand where I am coming from.


Although there is plenty of literature supporting a lot of what I have already said, we are still under the impression that more coaching is better than less coaching, more practices/games is better than less practices/games, more medals means your off to play for the national team apparently and winning still trumps development! Yet our children are more obese than ever before; they drop out of youth sports at an alarming rate earlier and earlier and they’re constantly injured; not to mention the decline in their overall mental well-being.  I won’t bore you with the data, literature or YouTube video’s, however, I will be requiring that you read a book called, “Coaching Outside the Box: Changing the Mindset in Youth Soccer”. It was written by two friends of mine who have researched this phenomena over the past 15-20 years. I will have a few copies next week but in the interim you are welcome to purchase or Google it for now.


The environment in which your daughter participates in will not challenge her if she does not already possess the ATTITUDE, PASSION, and a DESIRE to be better. In a pay to play model, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but you don’t always get what you want or what you pay for. Some of these traits are not gained solely from a linear trend of another buzzword that gets thrown around, “success”. A majority of lessons are only learned in a vacuum of failure and vulnerability. Again, another reason why I love for young people to juggle. Watch the next time your daughter juggles at practice, how many times is she willing to pick up the ball with some urgency and get going QUICKLY repeatedly failing over and over again to beat her previous score? Similarly, last week we spent almost 20-30 minutes on the “H” drill (an unopposed drill with ZERO decision-making) because I did not see the need for us to progress to the next technique/skill/level if they did not do everything in said drill, at TOP SPEED. Every time I asked a player, “is that the fastest you can go?” I was answered with nervous laughter and a stern “no”. The fifth time they went through the drill it was like night and day in comparison. Why do anything at all if you’re not going to do it right and at game speed? And that’s without any PRESSURE at all! This DESIRE has absolutely NOTHING to do with another player, the team she is on or how long the grass was that particular day. It has everything to do with her being okay with FAILING FIRST and FAILING FORWARD.


To put it into another perspective, if you and I were to participate in one of those obstacle courses such as a Tough Mudder or Spartan race, but you CHOSE to take the hard path, the path designed for competition, the more risky option and go through hell up/under/over every obstacle, and then I CHOSE to simply walk around every obstacle yet we both “complete” the race at the same time, we both get a t-shirt, a medal, take a selfie and hashtag all our accomplishments for the day, then… which one of us has truly been “challenged”, you or I? The result is still the same but the process at which we achieved our result, is not.


YOU have been truly challenged, because YOU made a DECISION to “challenge” yourself because YOU had the DESIRE to do so and I simply DECIDED to complete the race in the SAME ENVIRONMENT my way because that was my desire or lack of should I say. Even worse, is that now you and I both leave the race thinking we should COMPETE AT THE NEXT LEVEL just because we completed a TASK together. This is SO familiar at the supposed top level of the women’s game: ECNL and Development Academy. Families show up to my office for college visits truly BELIEVING that just because their daughter was on the greatest ECNL team in the country that she can play soccer at the college level. They also assume because they paid $10, 000 for said luxuries that they’re warranted some sort of pass. Wrong. That young person is just another example of players getting LOST on teams because the kid was either a) not very interested in the sport to begin with b) parental pressure c) Inactive Participation d) doesn’t have the passion and desire to compete. In case you couldn’t tell already, I’m not exactly thrilled with this misconception. I should also say that, not everyone cares for college soccer and that is absolutely A-OKAY and goes back to my opening line regarding goals and ambitions. Some young people just want/need to be social with their friends playing soccer and that should be lovingly accepted. So, apologies if this essay doesn’t apply to you but it is my due diligence to educate and help people and not be comfortable in picking up a pay check.


Instead of avoiding tough questions and answers we need to tell our children that they need to trust the process and get on with it. They don’t need the added pressure of thinking that they need to be better or could/would be better if they play up. It does not help their growth, it hinders their growth.


The Relationship between players and PRESSURE is this:


-          The average athletes fear it and can’t deal with it
-          The good ones accept it, but struggle to deal with it
-          The great ones love it. It’s why they play


To allow our young people to become better at dealing with PRESSURE they have to deal with the card that they have been dealt in a POSITIVE manner and not compare themselves to anyone else but their own practice or game the day before. This is not easy by any means. But like any tough situation it’s how we react to it that gets us on our way to a better pathway.


I hope I don’t come across as a know it all, the truth is I don’t know it all but I’m willing to learn just like I hope you are too. The biggest issue is the big picture. What messages are we sending if all we do is tell our children that avoiding conflict and self-awareness is to move the problem elsewhere; hide it; ignore it until it pops up again. As a college coach, 90% of “playing time” has to do with what’s between a players ears and not what’s between their two feet. For some of them, the first time they’re having to deal with adversity and hardship is when they get to college. The first time that they hear that the word “Failure” is a blessing and not a curse and is the ONLY way to “Success”, is at the college level. The first time that you as a parent won’t know about any of these conversations, is at the college level.


I urge you to trust your coaching staff to know that we are here to help make your daughter as good as they desire to be. Your daughter is exactly where she needs to be at this moment in time.


I’m more than happy to continue this conversation at any time with each and every one of you.


We have an amazing group of young people on both the boys and girls side and there are wonderful opportunities ahead. I feel really honored to be working with such an amazing group of players and parents.


Thank you in advance,


Sinead